Better to be a hedgehog in Germany than a man in Russia ... A letter from a girl from Germany to a friend in Russia. Rather, an excerpt. Punctuation, spelling and other simple phrases of the author are preserved unchanged. Further on behalf of the author.
... I'm going, so I'm shopping, I look: a hedgehog lies on the side of the road. Not in a ball, but supine, and legs up. And the muzzle is covered in blood: the car must have been hit. Here in the suburbs anyone is not pressed! Hedgehogs, foxes, snakes ... sometimes even roe deer come across. I felt sorry for him for something: I wrapped him in a newspaper, brought him home. I called Helmut and asked what to do? He told me: take it to the hospital, there is a veterinary department. Okay, I'm taking it.
I went into the office. He meets some kind of Aibolit pumped over: two meters tall, two sheets can be sewn from a dressing gown. Are you lost ?! - asks. That's really, I think, for sure: an elk. And count up: I forgot how the hedgehog is in German. Then I looked in the dictionary. Well, I shove him the poor fellow: they say, this happened to Shaise, krunken belly, heal, come on. He called himself a moose - love hedgehogs ..
So he turned out to be Aibolit in life: his face was distorted, the poor thing was almost crying. I rubbed it with tampons, almost licked it and put the injection into it. Damn, I think it's not enough for a hedgehog of his needles. And carried it to the operating room. Wait, he says, about an hour.
Well, it's kind of dumb to leave - I'm waiting. An hour and a half later this elk crawls out. The scoreboard is mournful, as if my relative was bent over here. And he says: how good it is that you brought the poor creature on time!
The trauma, de, is very serious: he will live, but he will remain disabled .. Now, whether Fraulein, it is impossible to pick up and even visit him: a lumbar after anesthesia.
I'm quietly fucking with such care. And then the full am end begins. Aibolit continues: For a couple of days the patient (nota bene: hedgehog!) Will have to lie down in the intensive care unit (for hedgehogs, n /// x? !!!), and then you can pick him up. Probably, it was written on my face: And what the hell is a disabled hedgehog at home?! ...
He remembers: But maybe this is burdensome and too responsible for you (e-mine !!!). Then you can register the animal in a shelter (b /// i !!!). If you do decide to shelter him, some bureaucratic formalities will be required.
I understand that you can't laugh: the German is sad, like at the Fuehrer's funeral. I quench my lyba and ask: - A custody agreement (over a hedgehog, e /// t !!!)? - answers, as well as a testimonial from the magistrate. I can hardly restrain myself so as not to roll. - I ask. This zoophile answers in all seriousness: - No, a characteristic in relation to your family, Fraulein.
The document should contain information about whether you or your family members were accused of violence against animals (with all my might I drive out of my head the image of Helmut, roughly cohabitating with a hedgehog!). In addition, the magistrate must confirm whether you have sufficient material and living conditions for taking care of the animal (are we too poor for a hedgehog, s / / / ka !!!). I, damn it, still had the strength to say: they say, I will consult with loved ones before taking such a crucial step as adopting a hedgehog. And I ask: how much do I owe for the operation? The answer put pressure on me.
"Oh, no, " he says, "you don't have to! We have a federal program to rescue animals affected by people." And then - check it out: "On the contrary, you will receive a bonus in the amount of one hundred euros for contacting us in a timely manner. Money will be sent to you by postal order (... eight, nine - out !!!).
We are grateful for your kindness. Danke Schön, Gutorechzig Fraulein, Aufwiedersein! "In general, I was going home in a complete frenzy, there was no longer any strength to laugh.
And then something became sad: I remembered our hospital, when my aunt was lying after a heart attack. Like dragging food three times a day, linen, dishes; begged to be examined and at least anointed with greenery ...