Seven stories about children and one story about a grown woman on a potty

8 incredibly funny stories about children, which are also true and spontaneous in addition. Why are we all growing up? One could remain children all my life ...

Children's rights and mathematics

Recently, a friend, a former mathematics teacher, and now just a grandmother, told me. In the kindergarten, in the group of her grandson, a psychologist held a conversation about the rights of the child, they say no one can punish you either mentally or physically, and if anything, call the police right away.

Less than a week later, another math class with my grandson (7 years old, goes to school in September) ended with a slap on the head. The grandson was offended, went to his room and called at 02. There is a recording of conversations on his cell phone, so further an approximate dialogue between the boy (M) and the attendant (D):

M: hello. I want to claim my grandmother. She beats me up and morally mocks me.

D: and how are these actions expressed?

M: she morally offends me - she makes me learn math and even gave me a slap on the head.

D: well, come tomorrow, we will remove the beatings, send you to an orphanage.

M: I understand, but now what should I do?

D: * laugh *. Learn math!

The kid was offended and went to the grandmother to complain)

Smart child

The other day we are going to have dinner, my wife and I sit down at the table, then the children come running, grab their plates and are going to escape to their room.

Wife: Stop! Why don't you sit with us?

Son (junior): Well, Mom, we can't all fit at the table.

Wife: We used to fit!

Son: Since then, we have grown as - dad in width, me and Lyosha (elder) in height and width.

Wife (suspiciously): And me?

Son (firmly and loudly): You haven't changed AT ALL !!!!!

Parenting Tricks

A friend told his son (7 years old) about the production of dopamine, how the substance affects the brain so that a person would enjoy achieving a goal, a result. Now the child washes the dishes, vacuums, takes out the trash with shouts of "hands off my dopamine!"

Flowers in the graveyard

The story about my brother (at that time he was 4 years old). Further, according to his grandmother)

We got together for the parent's day, which took place in the dacha cooperative, and the grandson really wanted to go. Every five minutes he asked:

- grandma, will you take me?

- I'll take it, I'll take it.

- well, grandma, will you take me?

- Yes, I'll take you!

- and I'll bring you flowers ...

I also thought, what a good boy ... and then he adds:

- at the cemetery!

How I bought condoms for my mom

One day my mom asked me to buy condoms. The thing is that she was very interested in plant growing and read somewhere that orchid seedlings should be placed in a condom with water. In this form, it can be kept on the balcony as well, since the elastic protects from the cold and easily lets the light through.

Mom says: "Take the smallest ones at the pharmacy. I just need a glass of water."

I go to the pharmacy, ask for condoms, and behind me there was a line of five people, among whom were two girls. The girls whisper and giggle.

The saleswoman clarifies: "What kind of condoms to give?"

I thought for ten seconds, but nothing came of it. Since then, Mom has been growing her orchids in XXL size.

About a good sense of humor at the age of 6

From yesterday's conversation with a 6-year-old son:

I - I

S- son

I - and why did the teacher punish you?

S- I laughed.

I - what was so funny that even after the remark, you could not stop?

C - I don't remember anymore!

I - how is it ?!

C - my memory is bad, but my sense of humor is good!

Small taster

This episode from her childhood was told to me by a friend of mine. She was then five years old. They were expecting guests for a family celebration. Her mother cooked, bought all sorts of goodies, and she left. Little Katyusha decided to see what her mother had bought so delicious. She opened the refrigerator and was stunned. Her childish attention was immediately attracted by a box with something small, wrapped in bright multi-colored foil, resembling the shape of a bottle. It was a box of chocolates with liqueur. But Katyusha did not know this. She, anticipating something incredible, unfolded one bottle, took a bite, but it turned out to be terribly tasteless. Katya decided that it is worth trying others, maybe those will be tastier. But everything happened again. In short, Katyusha took a bite of all the sweets, but they seemed terribly disgusting to her, and she carefully wrapped them back in foil, as if she hadn't touched anything.

Here came the guests, the table was set incomparably ... Someone decided to try those sweets. Unfolded, smiled, well, and understood everything. Teeth prints on chocolate are small, childish! Katya's mother was very embarrassed, and the guests laughed and asked not to punish the little taster.

Pottery

My godson is now 2 years and 4 months old. This funny story happened when he was about 1, 5 years old. My godmother is tired of buying diapers because of the high cost and running after the child with rags and wiping the floor. As soon as she didn’t potty him: they planted all the toys, from bears to dolls and cars, poured water into the pot, praised him for his successes, scolded him for his mistakes.

But one fine morning the godfather went to radical methods - she decided to show her own parental example. She sat down on the pot and guests came in. And the godfather sits in an interesting position - teaches the mind-mind of the child. The guests watched the appraisal. Then there was a deathly silence, and after another 10 seconds, a loud hysterical laugh burst out: “But we thought you didn't reach the toilet! And yes, teach the child. Well done!"

The style of the authors has been preserved. Fixed only gross spelling errors or ridiculous typos.

Did you play naughty as a child?