How often do you meet people who are over 30 or 40 years old, but they seem to be stuck in childhood? Maybe you are one of them too?
Don't worry, we all tend to stay in a state of childhood until we learn to love ourselves.
Each of us is born with a unique set of qualities and individual needs. But there are basic needs specific to each age. If they are not satisfied, the person's emotional development is inhibited.
At an early age, we are especially vulnerable, and the emotional trauma we experience during this period remains in our body and is frozen in time.
To know at what age stage we are stuck, we need to understand the basic needs of the child at each age.
0 to 1 year - infancy
In the first year of life, the child is completely dependent on the mother. He needs maternal love and attention, since it is she who satisfies his basic needs.
If the mother ignores the baby's needs, does not respond to his crying, or is cold to the baby, the baby becomes fearful and worried about his well-being. He becomes incredulous because he was let down by the first person in whom he believed.
These early experiences will have echoes in adulthood and can negatively affect his relationships with others and his ability to bond with others. It can be very difficult for such a person to trust others all his life.
2-4 years - early childhood
At the next stage, the child begins to develop the ability to self-control, and he takes the first steps in the study of the world. He develops motor skills and learns to walk and speak.
If at this time the parents do not pay enough attention to the child or demand from him what is beyond his capabilities, such a child may in the future feel like a failure, unable to meet the expectations of others.
At the same time, if the parents are overprotective of the baby, it can interfere with the child's learning life lessons. Such a person, even as an adult, will always seek the approval of other people, and constantly need attention.
From 4 to 6 years old - Preschool age
Over the next years, the child continues to develop physically and mentally. He is curious and asks many questions. At this time, children need answers to questions and support for their interests, hobbies and endeavors.
If the parents do not support the child's curiosity and creativity, or punish the disorder, he may develop a guilt complex.
As adults, such big "children" cannot focus on their goals, they lack the motivation to achieve them. Feelings of guilt can lead to passivity, frigidity, or even psychopathic tendencies.
7 to 17 years of age - school years
When a child starts going to school, a new stage begins. He finds himself in a new environment, where he learns new skills, and where his values are formed.
If parents begin to doubt the child's abilities, his place among peers, do not support him, he develops an inferiority complex.
This complex prevents him from working effectively in adulthood and deprives him of self-confidence. Such a person can be a workhorse all his life, not allowing himself to mark higher.
How to get out of this situation?
If you feel stuck in your emotional development due to childhood experiences, you need to help your inner child grow.
Imagine yourself as a child, at what age do you see yourself? What do you look like? What do you think? Who is next to you? What problems do you have with these people?
Talk to your inner child.
Take paper and two different colored pencils. Hold a pencil of one color in your right hand (if you are right-handed) and the other in your left. Write with your right hand as an adult, and with your left as a child.
There are only two involved in your conversation: you and your inner child.
Ask the child what he lacks in life? Give him the answer to what he is looking for. Call him by name and ask personal questions. Respond with love and kindness.
You will need to be patient. It can take weeks, even months, for you to connect with your inner self. You need to understand that the child has suffered for a very long time, and you need to empathize with his emotions and needs.
Over time, your inner child will mature, you will become stronger and better able to withstand any adversity.
Become the parent you have always needed!